Soul Sessions: Being carried into the New Year

 

Goodbye 2024. 

The end of a year always comes packed with the idea that calls for transformation, renewal or something momentous. Well, it wasn't always like that, at least, during the times where I just really enjoyed partying in NYC. But as I get older, the latter seems to take precedence.

I remember the one year when I was being called to adventure. It was New Year's Eve and I was on a plane by myself to Panama, hovering over the Panama Canal in the plane felt like I was making a big leap into who-knows-what. Looking back, was I running towards something or running away? Maybe it was a combination of both. I still remember taking that chance and rolling the dice on this self-awakening journey. I had to depend on myself to speak enough Spanish to get me to the Panamanian coast, on the western side of the country, to the city of David via a bus that was going to take me at least 5 hours until the finish line. Looking back again, how crazy was I (lol)! Clearly, you can see I survived that trip and I do recall having with me, my own personal guardian angel. 

He was a young fellow whom we exchanged conversation; he was learning English and I was learning Spanish. I don't remember how I met him or how I was able to trust him enough to know he didn't have ulterior motives. He didn't. But together, we accompanied one another to the western coast of Panama on a bus that was going really fast in the dark. 

I made it to the city of David and met up with the host-American family that was taking care of me while I was visiting. I think I remember them picking me up at the bus station. It all worked out. We went to the rainforest, took photos and just sort of hung out. We went through the mountains in a car, took photos and I just sort of hung out. I, once again, look back and think how crazy it all worked out and how safe I was. 

What I remember about that family is how they were ex-pats who sold their big Texas house and bought a cute little tiny casita, or little home, in David. They would volunteer with a local church or what-have-you and never looked back. I haven't really caught up with them years later, but I hope they're well. My experience with this family became the main idea for my graduate school application a couple years later. 

Back to this adventure.

In order to make it back to America, I set it up where I was going to take a 45 minute plane ride instead of the bus again. The only problem was that I got stuck at the Panama airport. My silly self was traveling standby and that's probably not the best setup when traveling international (lol). So I ended up camping out in the airport for maybe a day or two. I can't remember. If you've never lived at the airport, I highly do not suggest it as it's uncomfortable and depressing when you can't get on a flight and there's nothing but people getting on flights except you. 

Of course my family did their best to help, but what can you offer someone in a whole other country. It was the holidays in America so flights were pre-booked and packed. Getting on a flight home was going to take some time. But man, did my family come in clutch. Instead of flying to Texas, my sister found a seat for me to head to Miami. No seats were available to go from Miami to Texas, so guess what? My dad and sister drove from Texas in a car all the way to Florida to pick me up. Talk about a drive of shame. But that's just how my family shows up for one another. I'll never forget that. 

I just went off on a tangent about traveling and family when this post is supposed to be super sentimental about setting intentions for the New Year. Oh well. 

For those who know me personally and intimately, you already know what 2024 brought: the best of times and the most tragic. I'm forever changed. I don't wish off this year because it was the year that transformed my life. I became a mother to my beautiful, darling daughter Isabella. Nothing will be the same. 

I read somewhere about how people might feel like they're "limping into the new year." I totally relate, but a dear friend reminded me that I'm not limping, but instead I'm being carried. I like that.

I am forever indebted to this journey and I look forward to being carried into 2025 by the village that holds me down and would travel across the country for me. We ride and we ride together. 

Love.